But I'm No Expert

New Item for My Christmas Wish Listhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

2006-12-09T18:15:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a while, yeah, yeah...I've been busy too. Anyway, I've found something really cool that I'm adding to Christmas Wish List.

It's called a frybrid. Yeah, you read that right...fry - brid. It's such an ingenious concept, I'm surprised nobody's done it before. Apparently, this guy and his family built a vegetable oil processing system into their 21' RV and traveled from Seattle to Maine on $47 of diesel fuel...and a bunch of free used cooking oil. pretty sweet concept, huh?

They built the system into the baggage compartments in the bottom of the RV. They can pump used cooking oil into on tank, it filters out all the crap and pumps the good oil into another tank. That tank then gets fed into the engine and propels the vehicle! I'm sure, by now, you've heard of biodiesel. Well, instead of processing the used into full blown biodiesel, you can actually just use the oil and it works. I've heard of people doing that, but I've never seen anyone actually filter and use it inside the vehicle. I'm thinking this is what I would buy for my future tour bus...but I'm no expert!

No tongues, huh?

2006-10-19T22:43:00.000-05:00

I don't often get worked about things that go on in the "Christian community", but this story got me riled up. So much so, that I couldn't wait until tonight to write about it.

According to this story on Foxnews.com, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary has banned the practice and promotion of speaking in tongues, even in private prayer. For those who aren't up-to-date with your biblical topics, according to Paul in the book of First Corinthians 14, we should use tongues as a private prayer language, but use "common language" (ya know, English) when in church or public, unless there is an interpreter.

Given that little lesson, I'm appalled by the decision of the Southwest. Since when has anybody been appointed by God to be the Jesus Police? We shouldn't be telling others how they can and can't worship God, especially when the Bible explicitly says otherwise. I know there are some Christians who would argue that if you don't speak in tongues you aren't a real Christian. I think that's pushing it a bit far, but to say that we can't speak in tongues at all, because it's too "pentacostal" is just idiocy.

And since when do we have some "rivalry" between baptists and pentacostals? Are we going to have some big reenactment of the West Side Story in Heaven? I can just see it now, we're all praising God, then the pentacostals bust out in tongues and everyone starts shifting. Next thing you know, the baptists are on one side lining arrows in their harps strings; the pentacostals are on the other side sharpening their halos and they begin circling each other. Everybody's snapping to the cool jazz music being pumped out by the angel band...you know God's a jazz fan, right? Anyway, the rest of us, who are just grateful that God forgave us and don't care to debate the finer points of theology have taken a seats on God's lap and busted out the popcorn. Surely, this isn't what God had in mind...

I just don't get it. How can you openly oppose scripture and still say you're "Bibically-based"? I think these bible-thumping bozos ought to go back and start reading "The Good Book" rather than enforcing it on God's behalf, but I'm no expert...

Mega camera

2006-10-02T23:27:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I haven't posted in a while...sorry. No excuses, just more ranting.

So check this thing out. I read all about this dealie a last week and I can't help thinking that it is absolutely useless except for one thing: looking like a tourist, no wait, not just a tourist, an overcompensating, insecure tourist. Do you have a small...suitcase? No one will notice when whip this bad boy out! Did you have to fly in coach? The ladies won't think any less of you with this monster up to your face! Need to get aaaaaallll of Aunt Edna in the picture? Just turn it sideways and get the panoramic view of...well, you get the picture...no pun intended. Ok, a little intended, but not abused.

But seriously, on that same article, I did find this cool picture of Sydney, Australia. Give it a minute to load, it's a big one!

Poor Pluto

2006-08-25T20:12:00.000-05:00

OK, is anybody else feeling really sorry for Pluto right now? Think about it, he's smaller than all the other objects in the solar system. There are MOONS bigger than him. He's got an oblong orbit, as if he can help it. He even has to share part of his orbit with Neptune; how humiliating! And now, on top of all that, he's been demoted to "dwarf planet". That's like getting moved from starter to 2nd string benchwarmer. I'm starting a protest song called "Poor Pluto". It's all about his plight as a, now, dwarf planet and his feelings on the matter. I'm hoping it's a hit.

Frankly, I thought the idea of a group of people voting a planet out of the solar system was kinda ridiculous. Isn't God the only one who can do that? Ok, so they didn't vote it out of the solar system, but being demoted to a dwarf planet is just as bad. We might as well give him a planetary wedgie and dunk his head in the aurora borealis. They could have dignified his demotion a little by naming that category of planets after him - "Plutons"...but I'm no expert.

Word help

2006-08-17T21:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, somebody's got to tell me...what the heck is chagrin? My excellently talented wife used it on another blog and accused me of being "much to her's", but I'm not really sure what it is!?!? I know I could just as easily go look it up, but I wanted to get everybody's help on this before I get in trouble!

It sounds French to me. the whole "shh" thing at the begining and it sounds snooty, just like a typical French word. So somebody let me know huh? I can't possibly tell you myself...because I'm no expert, and that includes French!

Shameless plug

2006-08-08T21:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, there's a little shame, but not much. The non-expert wife and I have gotten into a multi-level marketing business. Yeah, yeah, I know. This one just got my attention, plus my 'rents were helping us into it.

So here's the pitch: If I could show you a way to lose all the fat you want, painlessly and effortlessly, and make some money, probably some serious money, would that interest you?

Basically, it's a weight loss patch. I thought it sounded kinda silly too, but it seems to work for a lot of people. I'm just hoping it's not one of those diets/solutions/whatevers that only work for people who apparently own stock in Little Debbie, fry everything, and have a permanent IV of Coke going into their viens.

So anyway, for those who are interested, check out http://slimsolutions.info. You'll find info about the patch and its ingredients, the business opportunity, and hopefully you'll sign up, loose weight, and make some money. I may be no expert, but that sounds pretty good...

Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me...

2006-08-04T22:55:00.000-05:00

OK, as soon as I saw this thing, I knew I had to have one. With 9 decks, a sweet underwater viewing platform, science labs that I'm sure I would neglect completely, and a height of 171 ft, it's got it all! While no speed demon (it just goes with the currents), it's still frickin' cool!

I'll admit, it looks like a giant phallic object floating in the ocean...that can be overlooked can't it? And it's French, that has to be overlooked...no one can stand the French for Pete's sake! But NASA wants to use it. That's the final selling point for me. If it's good enough for NASA, it's good enough for me.

I'm envisioning Paris Hilton buying one of these and starting some bizarre fad buying frenzy! They'll call them "Party Fins" and pimp them out with plasmas, an iPod-integrated, Bose sound system, and of course, something with hydraulics and a stripper pole (for exercise purposes only). They will be the most expensive, slowest, weirdest-looking yachts in the water, and no one will care, 'cause they're just cool. First, we just need to get stupid "celebrities" like Britney Spears, Puff Daddy (or whatever his name is these days), and Tom Cruise to buy them and get the trend started. Then again, maybe it will just be a supernerd fad and all those crazy Star Trek fans will buy them used from NASA and we'll all just laugh in envy as we continue driving our Camrys, but I'm no expert.

Becoming a certified expert...

2006-07-29T10:43:00.000-05:00

So, I read Wired magazine's website everyday. They usually have really tech stuff, plus tech-related toys that I like to ogle, like the new Ducati motorcycle. Anyway, They recently ran a series called the "How-tos" and had a mini article on how to do something. Some of the topics were "How to Get Ahead (at work)", "How to Take Great Photos", and "How to Live Healthier". My personal favorite was "How to Be an Expert on Anything".

As a certified non-expert, I thought this might be my chance to relinquish my certification in favor of a more distinguished title of Certified (something something) Expert. So I read the article, which was put together by Steven Colbert, my first clue that this might not get what I want from this article. Basically, the article is a spoof of how to become an expert, or basically, how to do what Steven Colbert does. Granted, he's fairly funny, but obviously, I'm not going to become a Certified (something something) Expert on anything using tips from this article. There's got be some way to become an expert at something! And it has to be easy...but that's probably why I'm no expert...

Sometimes You Just Want to Cuss...

2006-07-16T23:32:00.000-05:00

Crap snappin' turtleneck purple people eatin' cribbage cabbage frickin' frackin' rackin' crackin' dolly dilly dabble dibble gibble snarfin' crappin' pooperdoodles!

So there you go. Sometimes you just have to cuss. As I've stated before, if I'm going to cuss, I'm going to try hard to make you laugh while I do it. Hope that worked.

A friend recently told me that he could handle pain, but the hardest thing was watching family getting hurt and not able to do anything about it. Which leads to why I'm cussing tonight. Apparently, the trend in churches today is that if you want to get rid of someone on staff, just assassinate their character, ruin their future career possibilities, and that will make them either want to leave or will do enough damage to get them fired. Unfortunately, this certified non-expert's Dad was the target of just such a tactic. My wife says he should write a book called "Christians Behaving Badly". I can just picture some girl in a "What Would Jesus Do" t-shirt flashing her chest with a big CENSORED bar across it as the cover. It would probably sell. Heck, the people he would write about would probably buy it just to show off their See-I-Can-Lie-To-Get-A-Pastor-Out-Of-His-Job skills...but I digress.

I don't need to go into details about what happened, but the following should give you some clues. This is all from The Message, the book of James chapters 3 & 4. We'll call this the Best of James on the Current Situation collection.

You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want isn't yours and will risk even violence to get your hands on it.

You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.

Don't bad mouth each other friends. It's God's Word, His Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk.

God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?

I've decided I don't need to talk badly about anyone in this situation...I can just read the Bible and tell them exactly what I think! Especially that spoiled children part. If only they had read this stuff and Matthew 18:15-17 before they engineered this coup, it would have turned out completely differently, but I'm no expert.

The GOB's are back!

2006-07-08T00:54:00.000-05:00

Not that they ever left, but they are back to really screwing us up the tailpipes...more like gas tanks. Can you believe this? $75!!! Come on. Greedy...sons...of....anyway. I read one story about how there is enough coal under Illinois alone to replace our imports from Saudi Arabia. Interesting. Apparently, there is a way to produce diesel from coal, which is actually are really good idea. First of all, diesel engines are more efficient, tough as nails, and they make you sound like you drive a big rig. That last one is the most important of course!

Seriously, if we're going to end our dependence on foreign oil, shouldn't we be mass producing alternatives out the ying yang?! If this coal/diesel is really that good of a deal, then let's get the lead out (no, not unleaded...just hurry up already!) and git r dun...but I'm no expert.

And I approve this message...

2006-07-04T23:38:00.000-05:00

Has anyone noticed this ridiculous line at the end of every political commercial? Maybe I only notice it because Senator Frist is leaving the Senate and there is a hot race for his seat. But I'm pretty sure it was in every presidential commercial in 2004 too. What's up with this line?

Apparently, the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act was passed in 2002 and it required politicians to "stand by their ads" and approve every communication put out to the public. Ok, I get that. But why this particularly stupid line? The article from Wikipedia that talks about this line says most people think this sounds silly and awkward. Well, YEAH!

Do we really need this at the end of a commercial where the candidate is actually talking to us? I don't care if you approve this message, sell me on your point. I can understand making a candidate take responsibility for attacking another candidate, but this line has to go. I mean really. We should be intelligent enough to find a line that gets across the same meaning without them sounding like they are mentally deficient. I'm no expert...but I approve this message...

On the hunt...

2006-06-26T21:32:00.000-05:00

We’re stalking big prey today. This particular animal happens to be bloated, old, and well out of its prime, yet it lives on. The feelers reach out farther than most animals, even out of it’s own territory. With hide as tough as steel, not many of these animals end up being killed. In fact, most only get killed when they are young, or they are eaten by larger ones. The most obvious trait about this animal is its charm. Yes, this animal seduces groups of people into working with it; all the while it steals from them and ends up leaving them worse off than they were, despite its best promises. Most of these groups of people end up hatching their own good animals; who use their charm for good.

The hunt today is due to a story circulating on the internet about one of these beasts’ effects on a person we all know and love, Weird Al Yankovich. Yes, Weird Al was seduced by the beast known as “Volcano Records”, who convinced Al he was helpless without it and needed it in order to release his last two albums “Running with Scissors” and “Poodle Hat”. Hopefully, today’s hunt will yield a win for the good guys and we’ll be able to release Weird Al from the beast’s spell.

Al himself alerted us to his plight. In apparently moment of clarity, he revealed that despite the fact that MP3s require incredibly little cost to distribute via iTunes, he makes less money via iTunes than he does via CD sales. 85% less, in fact. While we certainly think Al should have known better than to trust this evil beast, we can’t help but take pity on him and hunt down the culprit. If you’ve been around me long, you know there’s nothing I like less than injustice. Injustice to my fellow artists just sets me off quicker than just about anything. We as buyers should simply revolt against these evil beasts of the Recordus Labelus genus, kill them all off, and replace them with their, friendlier cousins who don’t take advantage of their artists…but I’m no expert!

Earth sandwiches anyone?

2006-06-25T21:47:00.000-05:00

Have you ever run across one of those super querky sites that you couldn't surf away from? I found one of those recently. It's the "If Earth Were a Sandwich..." site. Check it out. Here's the basic premise:
You take a picture of a piece of bread, and submit to the site, with your location. The site has an algorithm that figures out the exact opposite point on the globe, and puts another piece of bread there, thereby creating an "Earth sandwich"! Wacky huh?

The funniest part I've found is that the exact opposite of the entire United States is in the middle of the Indian Ocean. I always thought it would be either China (ya know the whole "Are you digging your way to China?" thing) or Australia. Apparently not. I know it's kinda goofy, but some things are just worth sharing, but I'm no expert...

Mother, Child, and Womb?

2006-06-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

So, I'm reading the news the other day and I ran across this article on Foxnews.com. Apparently, the Presbyterian Church USA (FYI - this is a different denomination from Presbyterian PCA) has decided that they are going to try some "inclusive" references to the trinity. It's not binding, so people who don't want to use it, don't have to, but they decided on a few potential replacements for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit:

Rock, Redeemer, Friend - ok, I guess
Creator, Savior, Sanctifier - good one
King of Glory, Prince of Peace, Spirit of Love - too verbose
Lover, Beloved, Love - kindy fruity if you ask me
Mother, Child and Womb - huh?

OK, the whole "Let's make God more inclusive" thing reaks of stupidity, but it might be an interesting creative exercise, ya know, to make new references with Biblical origins. However, that last one is just asinine. Mother, Child, Womb? What? I can't be the only one who thinks that one is only "inclusive" for women, ya know, since we ALL have wombs, right? They say this is all because the mere idea that God is male is somehow an insult to women and we need to include everybody, blah, blah, blah. What a load of crap. These people need a hobby. Oh wait, they have one already - it's nit picking every little pointless thing and making everyone else miserable! What they need to do is focus on the important aspects of Christianity, like showing the world how loving God really is so everyone wants to get to know him...but I'm no expert.

The Ever Expanding Empire of Non-Expertise

2006-06-22T08:33:00.000-05:00

Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know that I've started up a some new blogs. They all contain the same basic stuff, in fact anything I write here will be posted there too. I figured more people could witness the brillance of my non-expertise this way! Plus, unless they get on Blogger, they wouldn't be able to find this one anyway. Here's a list, in case you're curious:

I think you're going to click on at least one of these and check them out. I'm telling you, there's nothing different posted there. I'm guessing you're all still curious enough websurfers to go find out for yourselves. I'm glad for that. We need more people who don't just take whatever is given to them, but looks into things for themselves...but I'm no expert.

Myspace Morons

2006-06-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

Yet another person is concerned about children's safety on Myspace, as we all should be. However, when a parent lets their 14-year-old girl go on a date with someone that they A) don't know, B) should be able to see that he's over 18, and C) is taking their 14-year-old daughter on a date, then they should be hauled out and shot for gross, no disgusting, negligence!

In case you missed it, a Mom is suing Myspace because her daughter met a 19-year-old man, they went out on a date, and he sexually assaulted her. Their complaint is that Myspace doesn't do enough to protect kids who have an account on the site.

Ok, people. If you have kids, you have a responsibility to parent them. If you don't like that, don't have sex! And if you're not going to parent them, don't bother publicizing your irresponsiblity. They provide a service, they do not police said service and I don't think they should. You don't see the mall asking every kid for their age & not letting them talk to anyone older than they are...

Granted the internet is a different animal, but really, you let your daughter go out with him! Myspace isn't responsible for taking care of your child. That's all you baby! I think you should get off your a$$, do your job, and don't make the rest of about your mistakes, but I'm no expert...

Would Jesus be hacked off?

2006-06-19T23:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, first let me say I'm sorry about the layout thing. I was near a PC all weekend, but unfortunately, the layout was not coming to mind all weekend.

So now for the headline. What hacks me off? Hypocritical Christians. Nothing hacks me off more. Actually, injustice in general hacks me off quite a bit, but this one takes the cake because of my family. This non-expert comes from a long line of experts, with a father who's an expert pastor. Besides the whole growing up in a glass house thing, that's not such a bad thing. However, when churches stop acting like they should, the non-expert starts taking up ninjitsu again in case his nunchuck skills are needed!

The truly sad part is, everyone seems to know how Christians are supposed to act, and can easily point out when they aren't doing it. I had a roommate in college who called me out on stuff left and right...and was totally right! Thanks Jim, by the way. I can't help but wonder what people think when they see the crap people in churches do to each other. Ya know, it's one thing that you want someone out of there, but to purposefully do things that oppose what you "teach" your attenders every week is just stupid. Don't these people realize that will come back to bite you? You attack someone's character and call them a liar and tell everyone how awful they are...just wait until someone finds out what you did and justly pulls all this same crap on you. It's not "Christianly" (I know that's a stupid adjective...it's all I've got), it's not in the best interest of the church to act like a jacka$, and it's not helping your own credibility. Especially when you've embezzeled funds from said church and have your buddies help you cover it up...shameful. If you have a real problem with the non-expert pastor-Dad, read up on Matthew 18:15-17. If you don't like, leave the church...no, I mean leave your Bible behind and find something else to believe. I think Jesus would be not only hacked off, but livid...but I'm no expert.

Media Balance

2006-06-13T22:40:00.000-05:00

I was reading a great book a few months back, The Future of Music. Ok, it was more like last year, but that's also "a few months back"! One thing the writer talks about is media becoming like water. As in, media is everywhere, we all use it, its common, and easy to get ahold of - unlike the current system where a few companies control everything and sue the piss out of their customers...

Anyway, I've been thinking about this idea of media being everywhere, everyone uses it, and its commonplace. I look around and think, that's right now, isn't it? You get up to a clock radio, you can shower with your shower radio, you can watch the news while eating breakfast, you can drive to work while listening to the radio. You can work while you're listening to internet radio/regular radio/iTunes playlist/etc. You can work out after work while listening to your iPod, then come home and watch TV all night until its time for bed. At what point are we not just inundated with media? Sure it's not all free, but I count the radio as free, even though we really pay for it while listening to ads, just like using Google.

My call is for media balance. I'll have more about this idea later, but here's the basics: we need to balance the amount of media that we intake on a daily basis. As a musician, I love to just hear music all day long and would love to be the source of most people's music, but that's for a later time. However, I can't help thinking we're overdoing it. With every TV show, radio show, podcast, blog, magazine, website, CD, MP3, etc, etc, etc, surely we have enough to keep ourselves entertained for a lifetime, and that's only with stuff produced in one year! But really, maybe it's time we cut back a little and be a little more selective with our content intake. This way, we only watch/listen to/read the best stuff out there and maybe show some control. I just think maybe we're getting too much media and we all need to take a step back, let the quality come up a bit, then consume with care rather than the recklessness we use now, but I'm no expert.

More new look

2006-06-12T23:30:00.000-05:00

So I never thought people would give me so much feedback about changing the look of this blog. I do appreciate the comments, no really! I have heard from several people that it doesn't look right with Internet Explorer. Unfortunately, I only have a Mac, so I really can't check out the look. I'll visit the Non-expert Father for Father's Day, and he has a PC, so I'll do my best to get it tweaked to look good in IE also. For reference, I use Firefox on OS X.

Anyway, not much new lately. My fingers hurt. Actually just my left hand fingertips. I had a friend who asked me to come play guitar with him at an acoustic thing he was doing Saturday night. Since it was "covers only" gig and I don't know anybody's else's songs, I figured I'd better work up some material rather than look like a complete goon...not that I don't do that already...

So I played and charted songs for 6 hours straight and was then too tired to actually go play at the gig. Oh well. You know, if you're going to play out at any point, its always best to rehearse before the day of, so you can actually take advantage of these kinds of opportunities...but I'm no expert.

New look

2006-06-09T08:34:00.000-05:00

So I was trying out this program the other day called iWeb from Apple. I work at a school, and my boss I were thinking this might be a good program for teachers to use to make simple websites that actually look good. It would work great for that purpose, by the way.

Since I had just start blogging a month or so before, I thought I would try a new look for this site. I came up with something that I thought looked good and then tried to tweak it...not possible in iWeb. In fact, it was a real hassle to use anything but the Apple templates and you can't add more templates...major pain.

Anyway, after nearly 3 weeks of trail and error, I have finally completed the new look. I wanted to blend the Minima template that Blogger offers with the look of the iWeb template. This is about as close as it will get I think. I'd love to hear what people think of the new look, personally I think its the best looking site on Blogger...but I'm no expert.

New Yorker's Sidekick

2006-06-08T15:46:00.000-05:00

So I saw this story today on Slashdot and was intrigued. Apparently, this guy's friend left her Sidekick in a taxi and it was stolen. I can imagine this kind of thing is fairly common in New York, but the blatant stupidity of the thieves is astounding. Apparently, they took the Sidekick and started using it like it was their own, taking pictures, making calls, etc. Again nothing, uncommon about that part. Here's the kicker: with Sidekicks, they update the contents of the unit to a server, so if you ever lose yours you still have all your stuff when you get a new one. When this guy's friend bought her new one, she discovers tons of pictures and an AOL login for the people who apparently have her phone.

I've often debated with myself over whether or not I would be good at a life of crime. Not that I would ever do such a thing, it's just for the sake of argument. Anyway, after reading this stuff, I'm thinking I would be on par with Dr. Evil, the Joker, Lex Luthor, or any other mega villain.

Back to the story, so this guy has a site he's been updating with pictures, emails, and general updates on the story, as it's happening. According to him, he's got the site up to publicly shame these people for what they've done. I don't blame him; I would too. From what I understand, he's putting together pretty solid evidence for the police (phone records, the photos, etc), but neither he nor his friend have filed a formal complaint yet. I'd be surprised if the police didn't take one look at the stuff he's got against them, run over there, and slap them each upside the head.

Here's the thing, if you're going to steal people's stuff, at least do it with caution and intelligence. Taking pictures and making calls on a found phone will only get you in trouble. Again, I really think I would make a good villian... Anyway, this message is for the people who have the phone:

You've been caught. There's no sense in making this worse for yourselves. Just give it back. They might actually not press charges at this point. Either way, you should have some balls and take responsibility for what you've done, but I'm no expert...

"I've got friends in famous places..."

2006-06-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

Having attended a music business university, it's not too uncommon to see posters of people I knew in college playing around town. It's still a trip to see them on TV or in a magazine though. You know, some people you lose touch with and then you find out not only are they playing music for a living (no real surprise for any of these guys), but they are playing in a band you've heard of. The first one, in this case, was Chris Bevins. I'm flipping through a CCM magazine at church one day and I see Chris posing with the band Salvador. After some brief research, I find out he's been playing with them for forever and is a full-fledged member. I should keep up with people better than that...

Then a few pages later, there's my friends Mike Payne & Jeremy Hunter posing with their new band, All Star United. I'd seen All Star perform while touring in support of their first album and knew that these two were new additions to the band. I was right, although I can't seem to find anything about them and what they are up to these days, although I did find Mike's MySpace account. Feel free to let me know guys, if you stumble across this...

Then there's last night. The expert wife and I are playing SkipBo on the carpet and flipping channels because everything is in reruns and we decide to stop on a concert on NTP (public TV station). It's John Fogerty from his last tour playing in LA to an apparently sold out crowd. I didn't know the songs he was playing at the moment, but I keep glimpsing his keyboard player and I'm going, this guy looks really familiar... Then it struck me, I had unpacked my CD box recently and seen Matt Nolen's CD in my collection. I got from him while he was at Belmont with me and there he is playing for John friggin' Fogerty!

Then, on Leno I'm sitting there watching one of our church's musicians playing behind David Lee Roth. Stephen Dudash, of course, sounded incredible like always and was the highlight of the song and was way more entertaining than the spastic Roth. That guy just needs to retire or go to Vegas and do show tunes.

Anyway, I'm so happy to see people that I've known and worked with doing so well. I just hold out the hope that I'll be seen by some of them someday and they'll go, "Hey, isn't that what's-his-name...Chris!". If you're only as good as the company you keep, then I must be on the right track, but I'm no expert...

666

2006-06-06T22:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so everybody got all freaked out over today's date. Personally, I don't see the big deal. Think about it, if something bad was going to happen, if anything, it would be that the Anti-Christ would be BORN today. He can't do anything until he's at least 18. Can you imagine? You're the future evil leader of the entire planet...and grounded because you didn't pick up your room. How humiliating. Plus, the whole 666 thing is refering to a stamp/tattoo/implant thingie that everybody on the planet would get, and that's only AFTER this goober with a messy room is the leader. So in reality, nothing is going to happen today...except the simultaneous release of a whole bunch of spooky movies. Then axe murderes ran rampant around Toledo. What, you didn't hear about that? Right, I made that up. Anyway, don't believe the hype, today was just another Tuesday, but I'm no expert...

It's just another manic Monday...

2006-06-05T16:16:00.000-05:00

You know what I can't figure out? Why are Mondays always so sucky? I have a few theories on this one, so hear me out.

First, it's the beginning of the work week. I mean, if Thursday were the beginning, we'd all hate it instead and that would make Monday the new "Friday". Just imagine, TGIM...not quite as catchy... Of course, Friday would be intensely jealous of Monday's new found popularity and would try to convince Wednesday, the new "Daddy" of the Week family that Monday has done something wrong even though it really didn't. Then Thursday, being the oldest sibling would turn around and smack Friday for being devious and subsequently get beaten by Mommy Tuesday for smacking his little brother.

I lost ya didn't I? Don't worry about it. Sounds like a good children's book though doesn't it?

In its defense, Monday can't help that it was picked as the beginning of the work week. We can just blame Congress for that one...like everything else...

There are good sides to Monday, if you'd just take the time to get to know him. I don't know for sure, but I would bet there are more songs written about Monday than any other day of the week. Sure Saturday has some pretty good ones (Elton John wailing "Saturday, saturday, saturday!" in the background), but it's hard to beat Monday's hits playlist. I mean, you've got "Monday, Monday" by the Mamas & the Papas, "Rainy Days And Mondays" by the Carpenters, and the classic "Manic Monday" by The Bangles...can't forget that one. Actually, just listen to any radio station on a Monday. They play every "Monday" song on Monday (when else would they play it?).

As a song writer, I'm thinking if you write 3 songs you'll be set for life from the royalties from radio stations playing your stuff: a Monday song, a Friday song (has to be about leaving work of course!), and a Christmas song. If you can get each of those at the top of the charts at some point, your grandkids will be living off the royalties...but I'm no expert.

Where have all the heroes gone?

2006-06-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, did anybody else hear about Batwoman's return? I happen to be a big fan of Batman (I am Batman!) and by proxy, anything bat-related, like Robin, Batgirl, the BatCave, the BatMobile, Manbat, etc, etc. Yes, those really exist!

So, apparently Batwoman has been out of circulation for a while and they're bringing her back. However, the only reason this made any headlines is the fact that she is coming out as a lesbian. I'm sorry, but is this really necessary? Since when do we have to use everything as some political expression? I understand that there are people who want others to think as they do, but the kids who would read these comics aren't even mature enough to understand the issue, much less decide for themselves what they think. I really think everyone is missing a John Wayne-type character; a true hero. We need someone who is good. Just good. S/He doesn't need to flip flop back and forth from good to evil, he doesn't need to struggle with silly personal issues, just be good, enforce good, and stay that way. Teach people real character, not confuse them with stuff they don't really understand anyway.

It seems like everyone is getting on the multi-culti bandwagon these days. Honestly, I think it's less about this supposed "tolerance" and more about "acceptance". Last time I checked, allowing people to live as they please is tolerance, but for some, everyone has to agree with their choices too and disagreeing with someone's choice is "intolerance". I can't wait until someone debunks that mess and allows real tolerance to come back.

I think this has less to do with increasing sales and more to do with gratifying an overly zealous writer's ego. Although, I have to admit, if I were a horny 12 year old, I would tune in just to see if things get down and dirty between Batwoman and Catwoman...yowzer! But seriously, I doubt anything that DC Comics would put out anything that would titillate those hormones enough to be worth the cover price. Frankly, I think pandering to this multi-culti horse-hockey to the point of ruining classic superheroes is just shameful, but I'm no expert...

What did I tell ya?

2006-05-27T15:58:00.000-05:00

I knew someone would do it and I was right. There really ARE pee games! I'm reading Slashdot today and I come across this article for the Top 10 Strangest Gadgets of the Future, and lo and behold what is #1? Pee Games! This particular design was made by Marcel Neundörfer and there is a more detailed description and stuff on his site. It's in German though you'll need to bust out your Google Language tools to read whatever he's said about it. There's also a summary here.

Frankly, I think you people out there should be paying more attention to me when I get wacky. I may just have the next big idea, share it with you, and we'll all be gazillionaires...but I'll still be no expert.

I'll eminent your domain...

2006-05-25T17:44:00.000-05:00

So today I’m listening to NPR on my grueling, morning, soon-to-be-eliminated-by-moving-across-town commute and they brought up a subject which really sets me off. Eminent domain. What is that, you say? Eminent domain is where a city or local government has the power to condemn and reclaim property. Most of the time this in cases where the property is going to be used for public benefit, like a road, park etc, and the owner of said property refuses to sell. Also, the city must fairly compensate the owner. This sounds reasonable at first, but recent trends have pitted property owners against developers and large companies.

I read one case last year where a homeowner near San Francisco had his property expropriated and the property was given to a private developer who was building shops & expensive condos. I’ve read several articles about this subject and it seems the biggest reason why cities are looking at doing this is because the tax revenues for the new shops, malls, condos, etc are better than the ones from the current buildlings. While I understand that everyone is hurting for money, does this really qualify as “public good?”

Personally, I think this excuse is horse hockey, and that’s my nice wording…This is simply about greed. It’s funny how many things happen for greed. It’s actually sickening and amazing all at once. I'm also finding alot of resistance to this new trend and homeowners who are fighting back.

Here's an article about an older couple who've owned their home for 38 years and fought to keep it from a greedy mayor and developer. Good stuff.

I also ran across this site, Castle Coalition, that has organized a free legal service for helping people fight eminent domain cases.

I think we need to let our governments (and not just the federal one) know that we don't appreciate having our property stolen from us so they get more money to waste on programs that don't work and pork that probably lines their pockets...but I'm no expert.

No Lullaby for you!

2006-05-22T22:20:00.000-05:00

So we're watching the season finale of "Medium" and I'm really digging this song they keep playing throughout the episode. It has this great melody and this killer acoustic guitar part that has very interesting harmonies. Like any good commercial, I mean, network TV show, they tell us at the end what song they've been playing: "Lullaby" by the Dixie Chicks.

At this point, I'm faced with a crisis. I have never been much of a Dixie Chicks fan, but especially not so after they openly insulted President Bush overseas. I can't help but think they crossed some line there. Maybe they didn't, maybe they just exercised their right to free speech, but at the time, and still, it just feels wrong to do it that way. The same way it was wrong for Jane Fonda to rat out American GI's to their Vietnamese captuers.

Add to that Natalie Maines' recent headline that she thinks Bush deserves no respect, even in the office of the President. Girl, let me tell you something: I didn't like Clinton and he hasn't gained any ground with me since he's been out of office. But he was still a President and I would treat with dignity and respect, despite the fact that I think he's a liberal nut, just like you.

So back to crisis. What do you do when you really dig art that by supporting it, you support people you can't agree with? My first inclination after finding out who it was, was to hunt it down on iTunes and beg my wife to let us buy it. Then I thought of the news headline I read today and paused. Part of me wants to just shut it off and never hear it again. Of course, my inner radio station doesn't take requests, so I'm stuck hearing it over and over. Dang poopin' catchy songs! I'm sitting there trying to decide whether or not I want to like a song based solely on politics. My inner artist says to hell with politics, it's a well-written song and I should like it based on the merit of the song itself. I don't have to buy it, just enjoy it when it's heard. Then the thinker in me pops up and says, "But you're supporting something that goes against what you believe!" And so the crisis continues.

Then I think of some of the other music I like: classic rock, particularly from the late 60's. This music was born out of frustration with the politics of the time and most of the common sentiment was anti-war, and by extension, anti-the-current-administration. It's not that I agree with all of those musician's opinions, but their music was darn good and some of it down right classic. Influential. Iconic. Etc. Etc. So that leads me to this thought: if you want to not enjoy a song because of the politics behind it or the person behind it, by all means go right ahead. But if you are music lover overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of a song, despite its author, then listen to and enjoy the song, and continue to disagree with the author. You don't have to buy the song or album, but you can still like the song. Sometimes it's good just to recognize something beautiful...but I'm no expert.

Moving is easy...

2006-05-22T21:18:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I've had my share of moves. 24 in fact. Including this one. The process for each one works exactly the same: pack all your stuff in boxes, pile the boxes in a truck, drive the truck somewhere else, unload all the boxes, unpack all the boxes, adjust to new place. This has been common practice for every move, but my next move is totally different.

It employs my favorite strategy so far for moving: move a little bit at a time. Unfortunately, it doesn't work so well when commuting between El Paso and Atlanta. However, when commuting and moving across town, it becomes a happy reality. That's where we are now. Luckily, our new landlord granted us early access to the new place, so we're moving one car load at a time. Which is nice, considering we have to drive over there every day anyway. On top of that, we're borrowing a truck and trailer from a co-worker, so we're basically going to be able to move for free, which is pretty sweet. At that point, you can count on getting a new gripe every day. Heck, I might even start another blog just for kicks. I don't know what I'd write about there, but I'm sure it would be fabulously witty and the second best blog on the web. The first best is, of course, this one...but I'm no expert.

Fashion Fascism, Part Deux

2006-05-18T23:17:00.000-05:00

So my fashion revolution hasn't gone so well. The clown shoes not only didn't denote respect, they got me thrown out of Sears. Anyway...

I figure, if I can't beat 'em, I'll still make my statements...but in a way they don't understand. This way I can laugh at their unintelligence and make my opinion known! So, I bought this, not-so-useless strip of cloth (tie). It says it all: 01110100 01101001 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101011. What, you don't get that either? I need to find a better crowd to hang with...

Just kidding. It says "ties suck". 'Nough said. Like I said, I get to make my statement, and poke fun at...pretty everybody's lack of understanding of binary. In fact, since I like you, I'll give you some extra practice at binary. If you can crack this code, I'll...basically do nothing, but it'll be fun, I promise! Give a whirl:

01001011 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100010 01101100 01101111 01100111 00101100 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100001 00100000 00100000 01001110 01101111 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00101100 00100000 01101011 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00101110 00101110 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 00101110 00101110 00101110 01101000 01101111 01110000 01100101 01100110 01110101 01101100 01101100 01111001 00101110 00101110 00101110

By the way, go here to interpret easily. You'll want the second one. See? That was fun wasn't it? Ok, so I copped it from The Christmas Story. At least I didn't ask you to drink more Ovaltine. I've never had that stuff, but I'm sure it can't be good for you, but I'm no expert.

Fashion Fascism

2006-05-18T23:16:00.001-05:00

One thing I just don't understand about our society is why ties are somehow a sign of respect and authority. When you think about it, how silly is it that the guy wearing an extra strip of cloth around his neck gets his butt kissed and is deemed "important". There's just something not right about that...

FYI, after doing some brief investigation, it appears we have the Croatians and the French to thank for the silliness that is ties. If not for their crazy cravats (see pic), we would be tiesless and happy. But nooo, here we are, strangled daily by a useless piece of cloth. Now, if we were able to use it for its original purpose (as a napkin), then we might have a valid reason to put on a tie. But upon further review, we would realize how asinine that logic is and forget the ties anyway, since we already have napkins. Plus, we wouldn't want the potential embarassment of walking around with spaghetti on their chest all day.

So here's my idea: let's all mutually ban wearing ties. Think about it, if everyone who demands respect (bosses, CEOs, presidents, etc) started wearing berets instead of ties (or something else, it's irrelevant what!), everyone would learn that the guy wearing the clown shoes, or bowl cut, or fake buck teeth must be someone of importance and would treat him so, even if it's really just some artsy-fartsy kid being goofy. Everyone would eventually adjust and there would end the cruel reign of neck ties. They'd be relegated to the realm of geezerdom, where dress socks, shorts, and ties would prance happily through Floridian retirement communities. So all you throngs of readers out there join me! Stand up to the repressive, chokehold-inducing strips of cloth and demand a change! If we all united together against this oppressive textile, we could change this silly fashion fascism, but I'm no expert.

Much pomp and little circumstance

2006-05-18T23:16:00.000-05:00

So I saw my sister-in-law graduate from college this weekend. This was a first for me, as I've never seen anyone but my good friends and my counsin graduate from college, but no in-laws. We, being my wife's siblings and I, had decided that this was definitely going to be a long, boring ceremony through which we could mostly sleep and not miss a thing. We were right, unfortunately. Apparently, the president of this particular college was retiring after the ceremony, so they were honoring him and all he's done, and he will do, etc, etc, ad nauseum. Of course, no college worth its diploma would have a graduation ceremony without a speaker. Someone who can drone on and on and give ambiguous minipep speeches about how "You've been prepared, now go change the world," or something else that no one could possibly live up to. As I'm sitting there playing my favorite game...I mean listening, I thought, what would I say to the graduates of 2028...or whatever year I actually become an expert at something via honorary degree.

My first inclination, of course, is to go funny. So I decided my speech would be the shortest in history. Here it goes:

When preparing for this speech, I thought I might come up with something so brilliant, so poignant, yet so profound that I could stun you all. Then I also thought you'd sleep yourselves to death before I could finish. So, in light of those in trouble of Z enduced comafication, I'll keep this short, but I hope you listen carefully because this is the most important advice you'll ever receive: live.

Then I'd turn away and stun everyone as I make my way off the platform and out of the ceremony. They, of course, wouldn't know what to do, since they would have been planning at least a 30 minute speech and mine hadn't filled the first one. They would begin calling names awkwardly, as if to expect me to come back and finish. I would not. That was it. They need to interpret that word how they wish, so as not to offend their individual beliefs, but also satisfy them. So there it is. Live. I'll be damned if its not the best advice anyone could give at a graduation ceremony, but I'm no expert.

Blog logo

2006-05-16T21:57:00.000-05:00

Check out my new logo... comments are very welcome...

Why can't everyone just wear fitted?!?!?!?

2006-05-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, so we're going to a friend's birthday party last night. No biggie. This girl is into pink though, so she decided to have a "pink" birthday party, a.k.a. - everybody's supposed to wear something pink. After rechecking my wardrobe, I discover I have nothing that's really pink. So I'm thinking:

If I'm going to have to wear something pink, shirts are better than pants, belts, or shoes
Get a dress shirt that I could also wear to work
Get a fitted one since they look best on me

On that last point: over the past year I've discovered that in dress shirt world there are two different cuts: regular & athletic/fitted. Regular is an A cut that supposedly fits anyone from the 300 pound gorilla in fast food management to the skinny dude who prefers not to choke while wearing a tie (me). Fitted is actually cut straight, so it looks like you are wearing a shirt that's meant for someone of your stature. In my case, it makes me look skinny and the pudge loses one battle. Plus, I don't look like I'm packing a parachute in my back pocket.

Over the past year, all my dress shirt purchases have been for fitted shirts. So today I'm thinking, it should be a cinch to find a fitted pink dress shirt, after all pink is a staple color in dress shirt world along with white, light blue, and yellow. Wrong. Surely, I am not the only one who wears fitted shirts. I went to 8 stores and they either had pink shirts, but not fitted, or they had fitted shirts, but not pink. What is that?!?! Why can't someone put out solid color, fitted dress shirts? I'm convinced if everyone joins with me and only buys fitted shirts, they will make more of them. In fact, I think I'll just solve my own problem, start a textile company and only make fitted dress shirts. Of course, Geoffrey Beene, Arrow, Stafford, & Van Heusen could just make more of these shirts and not have to be spanked into oblivion by my awesomely specialized start-up company...but I'm no expert.

Sooo...what month is this again?

2006-05-07T16:04:00.000-05:00

You know what hacks me off? I'm driving down the street going to back to non-expert domicile and I see this sign: May is Older Americans Month. Huh? Since when? Did they just make that up? I am sick to death of every month being "something" month. You've got Black History Month, Gay Pride Month, and apparently Older Americans Month. Where the heck is my month? What about the Young, White, Middle-class, Male's Month? Or Not-quite redhead, not-quite blonde, not-quite brunette's Month. Or Geek Month! I mean, come on! There are statistically more geeks than there are gays. We geeks need a month anyway. Heck, sometimes we need that long just to get out of bed, but some of us geeks could use a month to produce a whole web company. Geek Awareness Month. That would be the month before Geek Month, that way, once everyone realizes we exist, they can spend the following month sacrificing MacBook Pros to the “Geek Gods” so we keep their crappy Windoze computers running.

Topic coming back into focus... …so then there's the whole issue of there being like 80 themes for every month of the year. One could develop a serious case of theme schizophrenia if you tried to celebrate them all at once. So here's an idea. Let's stick with just one theme month at a time. Sure, everyone would only get one theme month per ten years, but there would be considerably less confusion. Oh, I could set up a bidding system, with the theme of the month going to highest bidder (of course, no repeats within 10 years). Then I could use those funds to develop my brain reader...Anyway…TV networks could theme around those months without any jealousy from the other themes o' the month. So everyone submit your applications now and I'll put together a calendar for everyone to follow. Also, feel free to submit additional themes if you wish...like I said, Geek Awareness Month sounds like a good one to me...but I'm no expert.

When Bono does video...

2006-05-06T12:33:00.000-05:00

So, I like to keep on the latest tech/geek news, cause I am just that...a geek. Anyway, I saw this story about a wearable display and they say in the summary they are smaller and cooler looking. Is it just me or do these things like a pair of Bono's sunglasses? I mean really, who would give up their dignity to wear these things in public? I'm sure there are legions of furry-toothed gamers & programmers out there drooling over the thought of being able to have a 40 inch screen that's portable...in fact, that would make for some really interesting games of Battlefront...anyway - where was I? Right, nobody would be ballsy enough to wear them outside of the private confines of their house or maybe their office (if they are the office geek).

Question is - how much? I mean, if you can buy a 40" rear projection TV for $500 and these are a $1000, what's the point? Just get the big screen for at home, and everyone can enjoy watching you spank Stormtroopers...

Personally, while I like the idea of a wearable display, I just don't think they will catch on without them being cool looking (not bug eyes like this) and cheaper than buying the real thing, but I'm no expert...

The world's first brain reader

2006-05-02T22:33:00.000-05:00

So, one of the most frustrating things about being me is getting song ideas out of my head. All you fellow song writers are feelin' me right now aren't you? The trouble is, sometimes I am simply unable to express the sounds, beats, etc that are roaring out of my head's radio station. Sometimes, they come clear as a bell and I can get it all out and even record it so I know what I was hearing at the time. Other times, it seems almost impossible. I've had many a discussion with drummers, bassists, and other guitarists that went nowhere because of this inability, this handicap, if you will. So here's my solution: a brain reader.

With our crazy advancements in science, reading brain waves and interpreting them into something useful should be a cinch. You could probably make some spiffy looking art out of the waves and meaningless garbage that current brain readers put out, but this would be the clencher for me to buy one: if I could put one on, and have my brain waves translated into the music that I'm hearing. I can't see anything that would prevent me from buying one that day....ten bucks, a thousand bucks, a million bucks, whatever. It would be worth every penny. The mere fact that I would no longer have to explain this awesome guitar tone I keep hearing and every song I write would turn out exactly like it did when it popped into my head, which almost never happens, would be invaluable. I would become an instant billionaire entertainer, and I wouldn't even need a band! I could just sit back in a La-Z-boy, put on my brain reader, and put on the best concert anyone attending had ever heard. They would pay thousands to hear my brilliantly complex music and would leave in tears, so moved they wouldn't dare speak. Until the device is made though, people will pay in advance so they would get good seats. I would use all this money to fund the research of the device. Of course, it would take quadrillions of research dollars and probably eight hundred years to actually develop this, especially for it interpret everything correctly. I would hate to get my newest song mixed up with a sample from a CHiPs episode I watched when I was eight years old or the list of the begats in Genesis that I read to myself once, but maybe that becomes part of the brilliance of my art...its not like the listeners would know anyway. "No, really that sample from Knight Rider was meant to be there...didn't you catch the timing with that horn part?"

Of course, it would all turn out to be the biggest fraud case of all time. After eight hundred years of researching and testing, the scientists would come out with my famed brain reader (nothing more than a fancy hula hoop wrapped with tin foil) and I would have died at least seven hundred and thirty years ago. Congress would call special sessions, exhume my body and put my bones on trial for the quadrillion dollar research scandel that I started in 2006.

That's assuming the other lab I would fund doesn't get the infinite life syrum worked out before I die. Then all would be well because I would still be able to put on my famous concerts and ancestors of people who prepaid for tickets hundreds of years ago would be the first to hear and weep in amazement. So seriously, Bell Labs, Vanderbilt, all you other researching places out there...what's the hold up? Where's my brain reader? Surely this can't be THAT difficult to make, but I'm no expert...

The new Bjork?

2006-04-28T23:57:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here watching Imogen Heap on the Tonight Show and I'm thinking she's really good, and very artsy. Does Bjork have some competition? It's about time. Ya know, I like Bjork's artsy-ness...sometimes, but frankly, she's very limited. I bought her Post album first and loved it. So of course, like any good music nut, I bought the one that had just come out at the time, Homogenic. It was good too, so then I bought her first album, Debut. That's when I first noticed it. There were several songs that had the same melody. Maybe not exact, but her vocal licks were very similar, if anything - using the same notes in a different combination. For some crappy rock band, that would be fine, but for someone who is supposed to be so "artsy", it was just plain disappointing that she would not venture out and do something different. I mean, really, isn't that what being artsy is all about anyway? Doing something different?

So back to Imogen. When I first saw her name, I thought it was a band and wondered what the heck is "imogen" and what does a heap of it look like? A few months ago, I heard about her concert when she came to Nashvegas. Apparently, she plays all the instruments by herself, sings, and uses tons of loops, samples, and playback of herself to make the songs. I heard about the concert firsthand from a friend, Vinnie, who said she was just amazing, but it never seemed lacking, which is a feat in and of itself. After seeing her on the Tonight Show, I fully believe it and plan to make my way to her next show here. Personally, the only way you could make it any better would be to manufacture the music and write all the songs on the spot. I think the artist who could do that, and make it a fun and entertaining show with good, deep, and interesting songs would be fricking amazing. Of course, the only thing that could top that, is if a band could do it. The group who could do that would undoubtedly be the best band on earth, but I'm no expert.

This show brought to you by...

2006-04-28T22:51:00.000-05:00

Getting new stuff is just a great feeling, but after a while it's just stuffitis and I might be coming down with a bad bout of it. I recently got a new phone. Of course, that wasn't because I wanted to, the old one didn't work. But I did get an upgrade...Treo 650...pretty sweet. I also got a recording interface from a guy on eBay. It's a Line 6 UX2 and while it's no million dollar studio, it'll do. The software that comes with it was worth the price alone. You can pick out your amp, your cabinet, and all the effects. You can even pick how far away the mic is from the cabinet! If I could find a drum sequencer that has that level of control, I wouldn't need a band!

Ok, I swear this isn't an ad for Line 6. You know, now that I mention it, ads are pretty annoying. In fact, what I really find annoying is ads in shows. I know advertisers have to work even harder now to get our attention. I mean, we all know a commercial when we see one...usually. Actually, there have been several commercials that came on and I didn't what I was watching until the end when they showed the product logo. I really like the new trend of make mini-movies related to a product...except when they star Nicole Kidman. Keith Urban is a brave man for facing those brows every morning (see pic). Anyway, the mini-movie thing is just more interesting. I think it's the fact that they are telling a story. I've noticed the same thing about sermons too. They're just not as interesting without a story involved.

All tangents aside, there was a commercial a few months back that I believe was for some kind of household cleaner. I kid you not, it took me seeing it 5 times on TV before I believed it was a real commercial. This thing was over the top. The actor on screen totally did NOT match the voice (you know, that big announcer voice? coming out of a tiny guy...) and then they had this totally cheesy presentation. It was so different, yet bad, it made me stop and watch, but I guess it did it's job: it got my attention. Of course, I don't remember what the product, so it only did part of its job.

And then there's this new Chevy Colorado commercial. It has these two guys who are just too cool for any of us. And yet, they're trying to convince us to buy this truck. This commercial just makes me laugh because these guys seem like they are trying SO HARD to be cool that it comes off as a comical imitation of someone trying to be being cool. Of course, I don't relate to that "cool guy" image anyway, so maybe that's just me.

Oh yeah, so speaking of tangents. Back to ads in shows. The most laughable one I've seen so far is the one where they played Coldyplay's "Talk" on CSI New York. Ok, you know how CSI usually has a certain "look"? Yeah, for this one scene, it completely changed and looked like it was filmed on a cheap digital camera and cut like a commercial. It was so painfully obvious, it really detracted from the rest of the show. If you're going to push a product during an episode, for Pete's sake don't make it so obvious! But, what do I know, I'm no expert.

That kept all it's gusts in a bucket...

2006-04-26T18:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I found it. I was saying yesterday that those turbines are ugly, right? These are not. But they’re European. Isn’t everything European just better looking, or is that just me? No, I’m not European, I meant is my opinion correct. Silly readers…

Anyway, here it is.No right there on top of that pole. Yeah, the yellow thingie. That is what’s called a vertical axis turbine, as in the generator sits at the bottom. Pretty ingenious huh? Its fits all the criteria, sort of.

It’s more efficient. This type of generator is better than the propeller-based design because of the helix-shaped turbine. The helix catches wind coming from any direction, so it doesn’t need to face into the wind, because it's facing the right direction automatically.

It’s pretty. At least, I think so. Check out the company’s website. They have tons of pics of these things already installed, and they have some pretty cool looking turbines, in my opinion. At least they are way more palatable than those giant ugly propellers. There’s a reason we got rid of those things for planes…

It’s easier to service. This one might be debatable. The theory from last posting still stands…as in the higher you put a turbine, the more wind it will catch. With this system the generator can be mounted on the ground and driven by an axle system connected to the turbine up in the air. Therefore, most of the servicing will be done at ground level, not way up in the air. I doubt the turbine itself will need much maintenance, and even then, it’s way cheaper to climb up one of these than it would be to do the same on the prop designs.

This is the one I imagine being atop everyone’s houses. Right now, lots of people who have attics have little turbine attic vents, so these wouldn’t look totally out of place. You could install it on top of your chimney, so it’s nice and high, and give Santa a fun challenge next Christmas. Better leave butter or body grease up there too though.

People in tornado alley could produce enough power for the rest of the country in April alone. Could you imagine how much power you could generate right before your house blows away? It’d probably be enough to pay for the next house…assuming you survive.

Anyway, this is my proposal: first change the building codes, then everyone buy these things, then everyone reaps the benefits of producing their own power and looking like artsy Europeans. Of course, to complete the look, we’d all have to wear berets and drink wine at every meal, but I’m no expert.

There once was a wind in Nantucket...

2006-04-26T17:55:00.000-05:00

So I listen to NPR in the mornings on the way to work. Yeah, that 45-minute, traffic-filled, road-rage-inducing commute I told you about. I recently heard a story about residents up in Massachusetts getting their panties ruffled over a new wind turbine power plant being proposed for the Nantucket Sound.

After checking out the map, I was thinking, "These people are just whiners." Personally, I’m all for any type of renewable energy source. Frankly, I think all building codes countrywide (sounds like a new model of trailer home doesn’t it?) should be amended to require all new buildings (residential & commercial) to have solar & wind power sources on the roof and tankless water heaters so we can all use less electricity. There’s also that minute chance that all those homeowners with the super-duper energy houses would make some money by selling power back to the grid, but that's a pretty slim one. Unless you live like the Amish, or just turn off your TV and home interior weather control system (or air conditioner for short), current solar & wind power generators aren’t going to help much. They don’t produce tons of power, even in the best of conditions, but would be a great supplement to grid power. However, since most electric companies are typically cousin-in-laws to the boards that govern building codes, I’m pretty sure these changes aren’t happening anytime soon.

Anyway, the pre-tangent residents I was talking about were griping how it will ruin their views, lower their property values, etc., etc. and I’m thinking, “What a bunch of selfish jerks! I can’t believe people would be that worried over this thing when this could help their area of the country use less heating oil & coal.” That was until I saw what they are planning to install.

Is it just me or are these things ugly as sin? I’m sure this is most people’s idea of what a wind turbine is, thanks in no small part to Petra for featuring them on the cover of their “Unseen Power” album.

Ok, I doubt Petra is the reason, but its fun to pull out random 90’s references isn’t it?

Anyway, I’ve been checking these things out and I have to say, they are terrible. First, while it's a good idea to get the propellers up high enough to catch the better winds, putting the generator up there too is a huge flaw. Plus, they have to be turned to face into the wind in order to operate, which uses up more power, adds more parts that can break, and provides yet another system that need servicing.

Which leads to the second obvious criticism – they are hard to service! Logic tells you if you put them up higher to get better winds, then you have to either go up there to fix them (danger, Will Robinson, danger!) or bring them down ($$), which over the Nantucket Sound could be a little difficult. Surely, there has to be a way to produce power with renewable sources, make it look pretty (maybe even artsy), and make it easy to use & repair, but I’m no expert.

Una siesta, por favor!

2006-04-24T17:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, I can’t be the only one. I'm not tired AT ALL when midnight rolls around, but I'm exhausted when 6 am sneaks up on me. And that’s not just when I’ve been up till midnight; 6 am feels early even if I go to bed at 7 the night before. Why is it that sleeping in the morning feels so much better than sleeping at night? Is it sleep inertia? The body's been sleeping for a while, so it's still wanting to sleep?

And how is it one can take a 30 minute nap at lunch time and feel great the rest of the day AND still be able to sleep that night? I’m writing this mostly because I’m really tired and didn’t want to get out bed this morning. Of course, that’s pretty much every morning. A 45-minute, traffic-filled, road rage inducing commute first thing after breakfast doesn’t help wake “want-to’s” from their slumber. In fact, I’m so tired right now, I just forgot what I was going to write…it started with “Sometimes”…but who knows for sure. Oh well. I did read some pretty interesting articles (Snooze Power & Power Nap Prevents Burnout) about "power napping".

So here’s my take on it. We should follow the example of the Spanish-speaking world. We’ll all take an hour right after lunch (when we’re all sleepiest anyway) and take a nap. We don’t have to call them siestas, but that’s a conveniently already existant name…At the end of the day, we all work an extra hour, stay ‘til 6 instead of 5, then everyone goes home like normal. We all miss the crappy pre-primetime TV shows, everyone’s better rested, and companies are more productive as a result. I can just see businesses all over griping at me right now going, “You crazy wacko! Now we’ll have to invest in cots & beds as employee benefits. Then we’ll have to build on special “nap rooms” where our lazy employees can be even more lazy!” There will be corporate mandates left and right about the length of naps, employees will trade nap-hours instead of swapping days off, and, undoubtly, it will become a “civil rights issue” because some moron overslept and got fired. Sounds like fun to me, but I’m no expert.

Pee Games

2006-04-13T19:18:00.000-05:00

K, so I’m standing there peeing one day after having two bottles of water first thing in the morning and it hits me: pee games! Ok, not peeing on each other…although that is an idea…

Anyway, sorry had to change pants after a particularly messy pee game. No, what I meant was, I’m standing there with no ads to look at, nothing to do but unload the gallon and half of pee I’ve stored up all night and morning and I was like, I want a game to play. Now my first thought was that you should make a game that can attached right above the urinal and brave men who can spare both hands can play. Even make it one handed. No even better…make it a game where you shot targets with your pee for points! Every little kid does it, why not make a high tech version of Cheerios for grown ups!

You could integrate the points with an online game like Worlds of Warcraft or something and they can exchange pee points for stuff in the game. Or they can just brag about how long they were able to pee in order to get X amount of points. I may have just relieved the way for the next gaming revolution…but I’m no expert.

GOB's

2006-04-11T18:04:00.000-05:00

OK, this morning I heard the biggest load of bull I’ve heard in a long time…actually it hasn’t been that long, but its more fun to say “a long time”. It just rings better than “last Tuesday around 2, maybe closer to 3.

Anyway, I was cruising down the highway, listening to NPR, and they mentioned that barrels of oil were trading higher lately (no surprise). Then they said the greedy oil ba$tard$…I mean, oil companies, were saying the higher price was due to refinery repairs from last year’s hurricanes and having to switch to ethanol as an additive.
BULL!

Why don’t you G.O.B.’s take some of that 10 billion dollars you bilked the American public out of and repair your dumpy facilities and quit abusing your power. And ethanol. Are you kidding me? When we visit the farm in Illinois, we fill up with gas that’s 10% ethanol. It’s the same price as the supreme regular gas. We get better mileage, better performance, and a lower price. How is it more expensive?!?! Are you telling me every station in Illinois is selling at a loss? What I see here are the GOB’s seeing their business threatened and they want to continue to abuse the American public until we revolt and all ride bikes because we can’t afford to fill up our monster trucks…but I’m no expert.

The first non-expertise

2006-04-10T22:14:00.000-05:00

So you're probably wondering what the heck I'm going to write about here if I'm no expert on anything. That's just it. I'm not an expert at anything in particular, except at being me. But I want to write...something. I want to have a place to rant and rave and give my opinions and a place to tell other people what I think without some loud, opinionated jerk butting in and not letting me finish. So here we are. I plan to write something about stuff I find interesting and stuff I read on a daily basis. I work in technology, so plan to see a bunch of that on here. I'm also a musician, so there's a whole realm of things to talk about there. Then there's marriage (3 years), religion (or Christianity), and all the stuff everybody else deals with too. I know I'm not the best writer, or the best at anything in particular, but I'm going to write anyway. I hope you all find this relatively interesting, at least enough to keep reading. I'll try to keep my rants nice enough for the G crowd and the raves interesting enough for everyone. I think you need to keep checking this site and reading what I type here...but I'm no expert.